OK, I know that for some of you, this is not going to sound like a very big deal. But for the rest of you – especially members of my tribe – this might throw a little glimmer of hope into your day.
Earlier today, I mentioned that I’ve been doing a once-a-year interview with Lisa (and Amy, back when I could). Usually sometime around New Years, sort of a way to recap the year and get ready for the next one.
Lisa’s graduating college this semester, and commencement is this Friday. So, I thought I’d like to do the interview this week and capture her feelings at this major transition in her life.
A couple of the folks who were in the session with me said they’d like to do something similar and would I post the list of questions. I said “sure.”
Then, realized I didn’t know where they were.
I was pretty sure they were in one of two places. This is often the case and, most of the time, I’m right. But not this time. It wasn’t in “get to this soon” and it wasn’t with the camera – the 2 logical places.
I didn’t take my Adderall today and I don’t take frustration well when I’m not medicated (I’m working on it).
Today was a good day to skip meds. It was a very structured day, I was well rested, and I just came off of a great weekend. But, I didn’t need a monkey wrench like this one.
I realized I’d have to go the archives. The basement. Where I send things when I want to clear the deck up here on the first floor.
As I walked down the stairs, I just kept repeating “breathe, breathe.”
It wouldn’t be uncommon for me to dump the boxes on the floor and shuffle through the papers, looking for what I wanted, then leave the wreckage to clean up “some other time.”
It wouldn’t be uncommon for me to carry on a steady stream of self-abusive insults about losing the paper in the first place.
But neither of these happened.
I looked through three or four boxes, stopping whenever I recognized that familiar feeling coming over me that meant “you’re gonna lose it.” Another few breaths – the pause, the mindfulness, whatever you want to call it – and then I continued.
When I finally found it (in a box I’d already looked through once), it was kind of amazing. “Kid in a candy store” time! I haven’t felt that kind of pure joy in a long time.
Like I said, for some of you, finding 2 pieces of paper buried in a box in the basement might not be a big deal. But, for those of you who “get it”, here’s hoping you get that same feeling soon and often!