Mommy, Which Daddy is Coming Home Tonight?

Among the stacks of Post-its and scribbled ideas for the performance” was a one-liner: “Mommy, which daddy is coming home tonight?” It’s for a song I want to include in the show. I thought it was about unpredictability – “will it be happy dad or stressed out dad?” but now I think differently about it. I think it’s about a kind of PTSD we can cause around the house.

The more I talk with people and read posts on the various FB pages, the more I become aware of the hidden damage we cause. ADD people love their kids as much as anyone else – maybe more – but I don’t think we understand the impact our little explosions can have.

I certainly never did.

The more I unpack the last 20-plus years, the more clear it gets. Lisa and Jean both talk about “walking on eggshells” around me. I never understood that. From the inside (and many ADHD people have validated it), it looks like this: we get frustrated, we explode, we get better. Quickly. It’s gone, purged, and we’re back to normal.

From the outside, so I’m told, it’s different. It’s like of like PTSD. Yes, the explosion happens and then it’s gone, but the non-ADD people around you are tense, waiting for the next one. So it isn’t the explosion itself, it’s not knowing when the next one’s coming.

I’m not sure what the fix is, but it gave me a lot more to work on in trying to build this song.

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