June 3, 2010 – post 2

Being Taken Care Of

When I got back around 10p, Lisa was curled up again, feeling awful. She sat up and threw up. We pressed the monitor button, hoping that these were seizure induced and not just migraine related (tho, it might all be the same thing). We cleaned her up and she lay back down, shaking and crying again. We considered giving her migraine medicine, but Jean reminded her that if she threw up again, it would all just come back out.

The nurse brought an ice pack and Lisa put it against her eye. She asked us to just sit quietly with her. She was crying again, looking horrible – what I call Hospital Lisa. Just completely washed out and surrendered to the pain. She tried sitting up in the chair, walked around the room, but nothing was helping. She laid back down.

I’d brought up an iced coffee she’d asked for and Jean left the room to get a straw. While she was gone, Lisa threw up again. This was looking familiar – those years in 1st, 2nd, 3rd grade when her seizures were expressing themselvews as vomiting. But when I asked her, she said she wasn’t having auras, so maybe this is all just migraine related.

On the positive side, though, as soon as she finished wiping her face, old Lisa was back. It reminded me of a long time ago after I’d been out drinking. One visit to…well, you get the point. I always felt 100% better. And she did too. Her bright eyes were back and she sat up, energized and ready to watch a video.

She said some of the most amazing things right then, tho. She said to me that even when she was feeling her worst, she felt “taken care of”. That she appreciated it so much. How quickly the nurses got in there when she pressed the button. How they talked to her. How we were there for her.

Then, she opened up a little bit more. She admitted that she’d been really scared earlier. Scared that she’d go into status. She told me that was why she couldn’t eat. She was just too scared to function. But then she forced herself to eat because she also know that not eating was bad for her. All of this going on inside her head. Amazing.

Since Old Lisa was back, we talked. I asked her if it felt as weird to her as it did to me – for us to be sitting here hoping she would go into status. She said yes, and it was hard for her to want it and not want it at the same time. We left it at that.

I’m back at the hotel. It’s my night for a good night’s sleep, then I’m back with her at 9 a.m. I don’t have any idea what I’ll walk to into tomorrow morning. She could be up and bubbly, she could be curled up with headaches, she could be waiting for the ictal spect scan because she just came out of a seizure. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it. It’s what you do.

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